ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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