I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
