This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
