The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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