I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
