4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
