Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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