Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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