we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
