My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
