I faked an abortion last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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