gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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