dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
