the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
