you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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