idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's the barista slut.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
