It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
