Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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