so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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