i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
