I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
