I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
