Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
