Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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