is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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