guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
