Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
