You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
