I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
