it's like iHOP with fire
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want nice things and good sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
