You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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