Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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