Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
