we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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