Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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