I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
