I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
