her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
