How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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