Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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