I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
