Christians are straight up FREAKS
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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