he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
