What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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