Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
