Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
