this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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