So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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