we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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