from now on my penis is your penis
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
