is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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