how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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