Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
