apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
