It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
