So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
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there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?