was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014