I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...