you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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