Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told you penises don't tan
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.