Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i think my cat just said my name.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.