I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
