The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
