Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
