I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
