Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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