Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
