i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
