are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
