After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
