Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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