youre lurking in front of me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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