if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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