dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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