After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
