all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
