I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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