Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
