worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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