I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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