I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
