I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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