Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
