I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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