Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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