ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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