Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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