i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
