He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
