I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
